I am a self confessed introvert, I spent most of my teen and much of my 20’s awkwardly attending parties I did not want to be a part of, with crippling anxiety and dread about being around anyone. I avoided work socials, weddings and just about anything that meant I had to go out and socialise. At the time I drank a fair bit and took drugs- this helped a little to fit in, but ultimately it was an unhappy existence. I remember arriving home after these long, boring and energetically draining encounters, embarrassed that I may of made a fool of myself, but also relieved it was over. I would flop onto the bed exhausted from all the drama and happily sit and watch movies until the next encounter would be forced upon me.
I discovered the term introvert and quickly identified with this group. It is interesting how we often like to categorize ourselves and create a duality (and often competition) between different sub sects of people. It is almost us if some of us introverts despise extroverts and vice versa- reality is we are all the same, we just have different ways of expressing ourselves.
For me, my strong need to identify with introversion stopped a few years back, I had started to write poetry and wanted a platform to share. I started to attend open mics, and while this environment was everything that should drain someone who is introverted it actually had the opposite effect. It was daunting getting up in front of a room full of strangers (many extroverts included) and sharing a piece of your soul, but the support and feedback was amazing and I soon became hooked.
It was not long after this I made a decision to stop doing stuff I did not want to do and to stop hanging out with people that drained me. This is not said in a disrespectful way to anyone, but for me drinking and talking about football was just not something I wanted to do anymore.
Around the age of 22 I started to meditate and had what you may call a spiritual awakening, this involved a Kundalini awakening, which for me was an intense energetic explosion up my spine and into my third eye (linked to the pinael gland in t he brain). It was beautiful and euphoric and the effects lasted for around 6 months, but this was then followed by a huge crash and feelings of hopelessness, or what you may call a spiritual crisis.
This created a huge bridge between me and old friends and just heightened my introversion and need for seclusion. It would be around 6 years of trying to understand the magic which was unfolding in front of me, before I would start to really understand energy and how my energy works. The aha moment for me was not that people drain me, but the wrong type of experiences drain me.
I found that I like drumming with hippies in parks over, drinking beer in nightclubs. I prefered to attend full moon rituals, over more empty gatherings. I love nature, deep conversations and things that test my mind and expand my consciousness. I like people who push me to my limits and inspire me to be a better human being. I realised I love being around people that are on the same level as me. I like depth and openness with a person or the people I am with. For some people this may be a nightmare, but for me if we are in each other’s company you can tell me your deepest fears, you greatest desires and open up about any and everything.
With this being said, I would still consider myself the type of person who often likes to spend time alone. But the difference now is I do so because I love to spend time with myself and ponder the questions of life. Before I was trying to escape the external world. So I guess I am an extroverted introvert, or maybe there is no need for a label. I just believe that human beings are social and solitary creatures, it is just about learning how to be healthily alone and also with those who inspire enough that you want to be around them.
I am Luke Miller the author of this article, and creator of Potential For Change. I like to blend psychology and spirituality to help you create more happiness in your life.Grab a copy of my free 33 Page Illustrated eBook- Psychology Meets Spirituality- Secrets To A Supercharged Life You Control Here