We are social creatures, and for most of us relationships with other people are crucial. We bond with others to feel secure, to play with one another, to learn from each other. We get support and validation, and we support others. We seek affection and we love to share what’s on our minds. Apart from all these basic aspects, studies show that those who have strong relationships with their friends and family live longer. Harvard researchers did a study that took 75 years and they tried to determine the factors that would influence longevity and overall happiness of their subjects. Their findings revealed that high quality relationships with other people were responsible for an increase in happiness and better health. Finding devoted friends that you love to spend time with is not that easy. Once you find them, make sure that you cultivate those relationships over time.
Take me, as an example, I’m a complex being and I have my own passions and interests, I hate small talk and trivial things or superficiality. On the other hand, I’m passionate about extensive ideas and I just enjoy having debates about deeper, philosophical subjects. I’ve only found a handful of people who share similar interests, and have similar needs, and at the same time we are getting on well with each other. Some of those people live in different countries and we still try to cultivate our relationships as we understand how hard it is to find such friendships. Some people come and some go, but there will be those that will stay, so make sure that you work on these friendships. It can be just something simple, like a video call occasionally or a meal together. Plan something fun, every now and then.
How about romantic relationships?
The statistics don’t lie, most marriages fail. Around 50% of marriages in the US end up in divorce. Only three in ten remain healthy, according to psychologist Ty Tashiro. So what’s wrong? At the beginning all looks great but later things change, we are get used to each other and the spark fades. Psychologist John Gottman spent a few decades researching why relationships break or last.
His findings reveal that couples that have healthy relationships constantly work on respecting and appreciating each other. This has to do with small acts of kindness and daily interactions between them. For example, say the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife—a sign of interest or support—hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird. Now, the wife has a choice in the way she will respond. She can ignore it and say something like “I’m busy at the moment” or, even though she is not interested in birds, she can try to be kind and show appreciation and respond respectfully to the husband.
These small daily acts accumulate over time and will determine if the relationship survives. We often behave this way in the initial stages of our relationships, but later, when we are more used to each other, we forget about these small acts. The idea is to respect your partner constantly and purposefully over the years. We must make the partner feel appreciated.
This is an excerpt from my Ebook titled: “Growth Hacking Tips And Rituals For Optimal Living”. It is available now for anyone to download for FREE. CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COPY
Hope you will like my ebook!
Peace and love
– Mike Sygula