Yes, yes, we all do stupid things. What we don’t do is tell it to people in public. What most of us do instead is just pretend that it never happened. Hey, if no one knows about it, then it very well couldn’t have happened, right?
Well, what if there was someone who witnessed you do something stupid? Or, it could be that you saw someone say something astonishingly stupid that you still remember it. Thanks to the anonymity social media provide us, many don’t shy away from cheeky confessions.
Allow us to share some of the hilarious confessions we found on Twitter!
My drunk roommate said he was going to eat the last chocolate that I was saving. I said "Sure, yeah, whatever" because I didn't remember saving any chocolate. Turns out, it was a cube of chicken stock. He ate a cube of chicken stock.
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) August 4, 2020
I said “‘A’ for effort,” to a coworker.
“It’s ‘E’ for effort. There’s no ‘A’ in effort.” *rolls his eyes*
— Mich (@MichDontheMic) August 18, 2018
A couple I know was flying to Hawaii from Ohio. She didn’t understand why it would take so long, because a flight to Florida is only a couple hours. She genuinely thought Hawaii was right below the US because in textbooks they put it in a box there… pic.twitter.com/gwNKycqHLd
— Tina Stoner ☮️ (@Tina_Stoner) August 18, 2018
I was entering customs at Gatwick Airport in London and I passed a tour group from Utah having a *heated* argument over whether or not they belonged in the 'foreign' line
— John P. Dowgin (@johndowgin) August 18, 2018
Me: "how many slices in your large pizza?"
Me: "can you make it 10, not sure we can eat 12"
— John Plunket (@JohnPlunket) August 18, 2018
A woman at my college asked me whether the carvings on Mt. Rushmore were a natural phenomenon.
— Robin Littlefield (@therealrkl) August 18, 2018
Once my mom went into a KFC alone and ordered several buckets of chicken for our family reunion and they asked her if it was "for here or to go." She said she was tempted to say "here" and sit down and start eating some.
— Adam Fortner (@adamfortner) August 18, 2018
I used to dye my hair blue. My freshman year of college, a girl came up to me and asked if it was natural.
— bayli (@bayliscott) August 18, 2018
During an earthquake a man held up his phone and said it wasn’t an earthquake and we should all calm down because he hadn’t gotten a notification about an earthquake
— Furball (@dickfacecat) August 18, 2018
We were working on ideas for a marketing campaign and someone asked if we’d ever considered making something “just go viral”.
— robert manchild 🌈 (@RobertManchild) August 18, 2018
A friend in high school thought the wind chill factor was the “windshield factor”. You know… how cold your windshield gets when you drive in the winter.
— The Dark Shadows (@thedragstate) August 18, 2018
I was using my phone camera to check my hair and my CW asked where I got “that mirror app”
— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) August 18, 2018
“I don’t put ice in my water, it just waters it down”
— emily (@emilyhead_) August 18, 2018
This girl from high school once said “calm down max, titanic was just a movie!”
— Lamushka (@lemlust) August 18, 2018
For some reason I discussed male birthcontrol with a friend. He said he would never take a pill with hormones because it messes with the body. I asked him what he thinks the female pill does. He responded that the uterus closes so sperm cannot enter…
— Kathrin Loosli (@eule_94) August 18, 2018
I was assigned to give a presentation about France when I was 12.
I thought Neapolitan ice cream was Napoleon ice cream and that white, pink, & brown were the colors of the French flag.
Don’t worry, most of my presentation was about France’s biggest export: André the Giant.
— Jenrieshka Aerin 🏳️🌈 (@jenrieshka) August 18, 2018
Heard some American tourists at Stonehenge commenting that ‘they built it really close to the highway’.
— Megan Walmsley (@megswalms) August 18, 2018
In the US, at a theme park, woman asked where I came from…. said Belfast, Northern Ireland, Ireland, she responded with ‘wow, yet you can speak American so well ‘ 🤦♀️
— Elaine (@ElaineYoung94) August 19, 2018
A fellow freshman in a college dining hall told me proudly he didn’t eat pork. I pointed out he was eating bacon. This is bacon, not pork, he said.
— Helen Kennedy (@HelenKennedy) August 20, 2018
On a TV programme in the 80s, they did a general knowledge quiz with a bunch of American teenagers.
They asked: What is Chernobyl?
One replied: Cher’s full name
— Jason Mercer (@IAmJasonMercer) August 22, 2018
A builder once told me that if an 80ft scaffold collapsed, he’d “ride it all the way down and just jump off at the last minute”.
— Neil McRobert (@NakMac) August 22, 2018
During Christmas church service in 1989 the organist played Ode to Joy. My older brother (19) turned to me and asked, “Why are they playing the theme to DIE HARD?” Me, 15, burst out laughing so hard I had to leave sanctuary as I was causing a scene.
— Steven Mackay (@sdamackay) August 24, 2018
I worked at a bookstore, and a college freshman came in with a book list for school, showed it to me and asked, "I need a thesaurus, what's that?"
I said, "it's like a dictionary, but it lists synonyms." She replied, "I don't understand. Can you use another word?" True story.
— 🌈High Quality Valerie (@tealempire) August 24, 2018
My middle name is Stephen. My YOUNGER brother's first name is Stephen. Friend once told me how cool it was that I was named after my younger brother. [No comment needed on my parents' lack of name creativity–our older brother is John…last name Johnston]
— Matt J (@CSUZooVet) August 25, 2018
First job as 18 year old working as a bank teller:
Client: (yelling) Why have you bounced my Cheque?!
Me: I’m sorry Ma’am, but your account shows Insufficient Funds….
Client: (still yelling, waving her chequebook at me) But that’s impossible! I still have Cheques left!! 😳🤔🙄
— Erinlea (@erinlealight) August 25, 2018
Lady came into the fast food place I worked at DEMANDING I take the sugar out of her chocolate Oreo shake. She thought I could just somehow remove it. I just stared at her in disbelief
— Megan (@megeedoo22) August 25, 2018
Someone once asked me how deer know to cross at “DEER CROSSING” signs 🤔
— Marty Ritchey (@martymarty) August 18, 2018
Had a girlfriend once who went to the fridge to get the mayo off the door shelf. She couldn’t find it because the jar said mayonnaise. That was the last straw.
— Social Media is Masochism (@_HiveOVillainy_) August 18, 2018
People Reveal Stupid Things On Social Media
While we live in this reality, many live in the reality of the idiot box. Yes, the television set has fooled many. One person on Twitter said that someone innocently wondered how Leonardo DiCaprio was still alive after the whole “Titanic thing.” I’m sure that person must have realized his/her mistake soon after. But, just to think that someone actually thought our precious Leo went through all that “Titanic thing” is hilarious. Thank God, he survived. Kate Winslet and all of us wouldn’t have survived without him.
International travel is always a little intimidating, especially the customs line. Well, one person on twitter said he saw something funny as he entered a London airport. A tour group from Utah was caught up in an intense argument over whether they belonged in the ‘foreign’ line. Yes, thinking of oneself as ‘foreign’ for the first time is a strange experience.
Had an ex who was stupid? Well, pour your heart out on social media. One person confessed that his ex tried finding mayo in the fridge. She couldn’t. Why? Because the mayo was in the jar that said ‘mayonnaise.’
Is It Okay To Say “Be Pacific?”
Another person told us that someone she knew always said “be Pacific”, instead of “be specific!” Ah, language and people are a funny mix.
Well, it’s easy to rat someone out. The difficult thing is to expose some stupid things you might have done. We will have to give it up for the next one as she embraced her mistake.
While in an office meeting, she told her co-workers that everyone will get an A for their effort! Immediately, someone corrected her, while rolling their eyes, that effort starts with an E.
Remember, when we used to be able to go to crowded restaurants and eavesdrop on people’s conversations? Crazy times they were.
One person remembers someone asking the waiter if their large pizza had 12 slices. When he said yes, the person asked him to make it 10 because they weren’t sure if they could eat 12 slices!
Who misses traveling? I certainly do. Well, I particularly miss the road signs that signaled that I had reached a place. But road signs can be confusing to some. Well, one person on Twitter confessed that her friend asked her how a deer knows that they need to cross at the ‘Deer Crossing’ sign.
Do you miss listening to stupid things people say? Just call your friends up. And see if you can bait them into saying something stupid.
Image Credit: Robin Littlefield