With all the chaos that children can bring, you would think that they would cause the most stress in a marriage. However, new research suggests that it’s actually the husband who induces more stress into his wife’s life. Why? Because many women feel like they are parent to their children as well as to their husband.
A survey conducted in the United States with more than 7,000 mothers revealed that husbands generate on average a stress level of 8.5 out of 10. 46% of women surveyed said that their husbands caused more stress than their children. The survey also highlighted that three in every four mums reported that they do most of the parenting and household duties. One in five mums also said that not having enough help from their partner was a huge source of daily stress. In essence, this research suggests that the real reason for stress in parenting has less to do with children and more to do with the lack of support women get from their partners. In addition, researchers from the University of Padova also found that after the death of their wives, the health of husbands deteriorates, whereas, after the death of their husbands, women actually become healthier and cope with depression and stress much easier than when their spouse was alive and kicking.
Why Does This Happen?
In families in which both parents are working full-time, women are often left with most of the parenting duties, such as organising playdates, helping with homework and making doctors appointments. So why does this happen? Well, on the one hand, women tend to be more organised than men, the problem is that some mums do not fully trust their partner to take on these responsibilities, so rather than share the load, they do it all by themselves. However, on the other hand, husbands sometimes believe that their wives have everything under control and assume that she will ask for help if she needs it.
How to Solve This Problem?
The most crucial thing in a marriage is the need for support. When the flurry of parenthood starts, it can be all too easy to let things go unsaid and to ‘soldier’ on in the relationship. If you want to have a more balanced marriage where you share the load, opposed to carry it alone, there are a few things you can do to help.
Whenever you feel like there is an issue that needs to be addressed, talk things through with your partner. Try to find a solution to the problem without judging each other.
Husbands Step Up
Don’t assume that your wife has it all covered, ask her if she needs help and make an effort to do your bit with the children. Yes, that means helping to plan events, doctors appointments and everything in between.
Wives Step Back
As mentioned before, some wives do not trust their partner to help out with parenting duties, but if you want to alleviate your stress, you are just going to have to let your husband take the load off of your shoulders. If you need help, let him help you. Though you might have a fantastic vision for your family that you want to execute, you need to step back and make some time for yourself so you can re-charge.
Image Credit: Copyright: akz / 123RF Stock Photo