People pleasers never say no. They put everyone else before themselves and will do whatever is asked of them. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things that can go wrong when you centre your life around making other people happy. There is a difference between being a good person that cares about the welfare of others and being a person who never wants to disappoint anyone. Helen Odessky, psychologist and author, explains that people who care about others feel good when helping someone else, while those that don’t want to disappoint feel bad when they don’t help. People pleasers are often looking for approval from others and are afraid that if they don’t take care of everyone (even art their own expense) they won’t be loved or appreciated.
People pleasing can have a serious impact on your health. It puts a lot of pressure and stress on you to meet the demands of others. Here are three top tips to help you develop habits that will allow you to please yourself instead of others.
You Have A Choice
People pleasers will go above and beyond to ensure that they don’t upset other people. This means saying yes to all requests that come their way. In order to break this bad habit, you will need to train yourself to press pause. Before you decide to do a friend a favour, think about whether you have the energy or the time to actually help them. If you realise that you can’t be of assistance remember that you have a choice to say no, so say it with conviction.
Don’t Let Guilt Lead You Astray
You should help someone because you want to and not because you will be overcome by guilt if you don’t. If you are motivated by guilt, you may end up overworking yourself and this can lead to exhaustion. In some instances, guilt can help us make the right choice even when we don’t want to. However, if you are saying yes solely because you don’t want that pang in your stomach, you may end up worse off.
Is It Worth It?
Before you decide to take on another work project or meet your friend for lunch, consider if it’s actually worth it. If you are really busy and know that you will be pressed for time if you say yes, say no. Remember, you are saying no for good reason so there is no need to feel bad.
As you develop these habits, you will eventually be able to establish healthy boundaries that protect your interests and deepen your relationships.
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I am Luke Miller, content manager at Truth Theory and creator of Potential For Change. I like to blend psychology and spirituality to help you create more happiness in your life.Grab a copy of my free 33 Page Illustrated eBook- Psychology Meets Spirituality- Secrets To A Supercharged Life You Control Here