10 Mistakes Couples Make In Long Term Relationships And How To Avoid Them

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By Maria Ruszel / Contributor

Is a great partnership in the 21st century possible? 

Have you ever wondered why your relationships did not end on a positive note? What went wrong and how can you avoid this in the future?

 Through researching, I found some strategic points to help prevent further relationship disasters.

Based on my personal experience, from a ten-year damaged marriage to a rebuilt, well-functioning, and happy relationship,  I created a list of mistakes that couples make that will certainly help many of you avoid future unsuccessful relationships.

Let’s get started.

  1. Lack of Kindness and Respect When routine enters our relationship, we often forget about these 2 values and they are the foundations of a healthy relationship. We stop being supportive and kind to our partners and instead start to fight over small things that do not matter.

The Fix: Remember that the other person is also a human, they will always have  better or worse days, just like yourself. Instead of attacking them, offer support. If there is something you are unhappy about, just communicate it to the other person and ask for a compromise.   

  1. Poor Communication. Communication is the most basic tool we have, however when it comes to relationships we tend to neglect this part. No one can guess what you think or feel, this scenario is unrealistic and that is why communication is so important. Your partner should be your best friend and you should communicate with them as if they are your best friend.

The Fix: Talk. Talk. Talk . Tell your partner what you feel and also listen to your partner when they are talking to you. Every conversation brings the possibility of new solutions. Personally, for me, communication is one of the strongest points – it is extremely helpful in all situations and solves a lot.

  1. Lack of Trust. In our world, we constantly try to control everything, but the truth is that we do not have any control at all. You can’t stop a person from doing something, everyone needs to be free, a relationship should not feel like a prison.  Jealousy will put you in a low vibration. Living in constant fear will only be detrimental to your life.  

The Fix: Learn to trust in your partner. Realize that they chose you because they want to be with you.   Being confident in who you are is key. If you ever feel jealous, communicate this to your partner right away. A good match with a partner is a person who understands that jealousy is a normal process. On the other hand, avoid making your partner jealous because this leads to nowhere. When you know your self-worth, none of this will matter.  Think of the best scenario instead of thinking about the worst scenario. This will prevent you from distorting your reality. (See point 2)

  1. Unsuccessful Sex Life. Sex is a very important area for couples. Everyone has different sexual needs and libido. There are many books, discussions, and opinions on the subject. When you first begin to date,  sexual passion is usually very high. It is important to not forget this aspect. Of course, life happens and as you begin to be more comfortable with each other, this drive can change. However, it is important to keep the passion alive for a healthy relationship.

The Fix: Sex combines fantasy and passion, both are important elements that you must bring to the bedroom, each couple has their own way of expressing their needs.
A huge discovery I had in my relationship is the need to continue dating even if you’ve been together for a long time. This means going out for dinner, enjoying each other’s company and maybe even going to a hotel once in a while. When dating, avoid doing it at home. My husband and I travel together without our child and feel free to be like teenagers for a moment and can really enjoy each other’s company.

  1. No Passion or Motivation. Many couples do not look for hobbies and passions they can enjoy together. This element connects and allows the pleasure of being with another person. When we forget to incorporate passion and motivation in our daily lives, the days become routine which does not make anybody happy.

The Fix: Find things that you enjoy doing together and add this element into the routine of your week. – It could be doing sports, watching movies, etc. 

Look for new things and motivations to enjoy together, there are many options available. For us, it was helpful to find new projects which we can do together.

  1. Lack of “Me” time. Couples tend to stick to each other forgetting that they have their own friends,  hobbies, and things to do without their partners. They spend time together. Even the best couples can lose their rhythm if they do not spend time apart to take care of their own needs.

The Fix: Have your own space. Travel and visit your friends, go out to parties, etc. When you leave space to miss each other, this strengthens the relationship and prevents you from taking each other for granted. Routines can destroy relationships… For me, I’ve always kept my independence, enjoying my “me” time traveling and enjoying my friends outside of my relationship with my partner.

  1. You don’t play on the same team. You’re working on the same team, but instead of focusing on a mutual goal, you focus on yourself or end up attacking each other. This leads to a discrepancy in the relationship.

The Fix: Remember that a partnership means playing on the same team and aiming for the same goal. You get to spend your life together and it’s a beautiful gift.

Always be real and be your authentic self.

  1. Forgetting about the small things. Life is made up of small steps and small things. Nothing is built immediately.

The Fix: Make yourselves a little pleasure – sometimes serving coffee and a hot kiss and positive words do wonders.

  1. Selfishness. Selfishness will only destroy you. If you only think about what you want, then you are not in a partnership. It’s important to have balance in the relationship, which means sometimes putting your partner’s needs ahead of yours. This does not mean to neglect yourself for your partner, it just means have a healthy balance.

The Fix: Being selfish and loving yourself can be an advantage but only if you have healthy boundaries. Remember that you must take care of your partner as well. 

10  Look at numbers 1-9 and put them into practice!  No excuses!!!
The more you practice these concepts, the better your relationships will become.

Is it really worth trying these concepts? This question is for you to answer.

For me, of course!  A successful long-term partnership during these times is a special choice.

It is like practicing a sport, the more you practice, the more you will improve. In relationships, this practice will lead you to go higher and higher together with your partner.

You’ve decided to pursue a relationship, it’s your choice and life, and you only have this present moment.  So commit to your choice and continue to learn ways to improve your relationships.

If you struggle with relationships, I might be able to help. You can email me at ndresolution@gmail.com or you can book a coaching consultation call by filling up this form

Check out my website to find out more Newdayresolution.org

Maria Ruszel



Image credit: 123RF 

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