A while back I wrote an article called The Dark Side Of Spirituality which got quite a lot of attention and really resonated with a lot of people. One of the things I didn’t mention within this article is the fact that while this dark side is there a lot of the time, the particular period of darkness I spoke about was actually from about 5 years ago.
This dark side has actually made a return and is something I am experiencing again right now as I write this article, it is a strange experience as before it was filled me with anxiety and fear, but this time around it seems far more familiar and a lot less of a worry.
There is a distinct difference in this experience when compared to the last, not so much in the way it feels, but more as to why I am feeling it. When I first had a spiritual awakening around 6 years ago it was an experience of pure euphoria which lasted continuously for around a year, which was when I hit the wall and started to experience the more dark and mysterious side of things.
The reason for this was due to such miraculous experiences during my meditations, which opened the floodgates of knowledge, of hightened sense and of viewing the world very differently. This turned my conditioned reality upside down and manifested in darkness, alienation and a questioning of my sanity.
This time around the difference is the fact that what I am experiencing is not confined to my meditation sessions, which could be classed as a psychological phenomenon. What I mean by that is while I don’t personally believe this to be true, the spiritual experience you feel during meditation could well be something that happens entirely in your mind, this was something I considered at the time but didn’t really believe.
This time I am starting to experience miraculous events in the real world, in the form of synchronicity, meeting the right people at the right time, seeing the number 33 which has huge spiritual significance consistently throughout the day and what has to be the weirdest thing in recent times was my wanting to talk with a Shaman with who I have never met or spoken with and when I was discussing it with people I am close with, I was contacted personally by this Shaman.
Also having very psychedelic experiences without the use of psychedelics, meditation having a very physical reactions within me such as vomiting, the physical sensation of people’s energy fields and when I am feeling particularly spacey seeing people’s energy fields..
Dreams that manifest in reality, knowing what people are going to say before they say it and an ever so powerful force that keeps pushing me in the right direction in life!
It is very strange and like being simultaneously at 2 ends of the spectrum on the one hand there is love, light and hope and on the other end it is deep, dark and frustrating and while the first dark experience I had could be justified with rational thought, this time around it is totally irrational to anyone who follows the current paradigms of modern society.
My advice for anyone who is experiencing similar events is- trust the process, use your different moods and feelings for different things. Don’t worry about fitting in when you are born to live your own reality, align yourself with those who are on the same path and trust what you are feeling is real.
Life is dark and life is light, you are never going to escape either, just know that if you have a clear road map of where you want to go, then you will get there. If you don’t have that map, then make sure you are at least looking for it. Be bold, be brave and follow your dreams, because if you don’t one day it will be too late and you will never know what you could have been.
Life’s too short to live with regrets so make mistakes, take the leap of faith and know within yourself that you can learn from everything you do.
Regardless of if you live spiritually or not, life will never be all smiles and rainbows, if you try to keep a brave face all the time then eventually you will crash. Darkness doesn’t always have to be a negative thing, it’s great for thought, reflection and righting the wrong that all of us have within. Use this time and use it well, because very soon this moment will pass and you will have missed the opportunity for reflection.
We live in a world of rules and regulations that dictate what is right and what is wrong, a prime example of this is the weather. The unwritten rulebook states that rain is bad and sunshine is good or warm days are better than cold days. Fuck that, go out there without an umbrella and embrace the feeling of the rain on your skin! Don’t waste this moment chasing the next, take it and live it like it’s your last and use what you are feeling to guide you! Because light, dark, happy, sad, wet, dry, hot, cold- they are all the same, they are all life!
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