Are You Being Too Supportive? (Yes, There is Such a Thing)

friend-1057645_960_720by Angie Sarhan

“We cripple people who are capable of walking because we choose to carry them.” ~Christie Williams

Years ago, I had a dear friend who needed a lot of support for various reasons. She was working hard to find her way out of a dark period. She had suffered traumas and tragedies—things I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Her life really did resemble a roller coaster ride. It was heartbreaking to watch her struggle, exciting when things would be on the upswing, and upsetting again when things would spiral downhill.

Because I had known her almost my whole life and because I loved her dearly, I tried my best to always be there when she needed me. I am someone who knows and appreciates how important it is to have supportive people around you, offering love and kindness, especially during times of struggle.

Sometimes being there for her simply meant picking up her call in the middle of the night and talking with her.

Sometimes it meant dropping what I was doing and driving to meet her to make sure she was okay.

There were talks, tears, and through that, hard truths were often revealed.

Of course, it wasn’t all dark and dreary. There were bright moments and memories too. There were movie marathons and game nights. There was laughter to the point of tears. Many a meal was shared and many a bowl of ice cream was devoured.

What I got in return wasn’t the same type of support. She was not the person I would turn to in a crisis, however minor or major. She just couldn’t handle it. But in turn, this friend showed me gratitude and genuine love.

I never thought much about the dynamics of our relationship until another crisis erupted in her life, shaking things up once again.

The downward cycle began and with it came hysterical phone calls, late night drives, drama after drama. And through it all I did what I always did which was listen, help, care, and show love.

But one day my boyfriend at the time looked at me and said, “You need to stop doing this.”

I was confused. The idea had never even crossed my mind. Stop? Why?

He explained more and his perspective was eye opening. He saw her as less of a victim to outside circumstances and more of an adrenaline junkie—addicted to drama and things going wrong. As proof, he listed off several disastrous choices that were just that: her choices.


Read the full article at Tiny Buddha

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