Abuse Isn’t Always Physical, And We Never Deserve It

gfhfhby Thea Baker via Tiny Buddha

“A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass. If you stay, you will keep hurting. If you walk away, you will hurt but you will heal.” ~Autumn Kohler

It happens little by little, bit by bit. So very slowly that before you know it, you can’t recognize the person you lie next to at night and you hate the person you see staring back at you in the mirror.

Who is that person?

Where is the strong, capable, unflappable, and carefree person that you once were? When did you become someone so pathetic, so small and malleable?

I have never been the kind of girl who accepts bad behavior, let alone anything verging on abuse.

I believe in good manners, in kindness, in treating others as you wish to be treated. I also believe absolutely in apologizing when I get it wrong.

I don’t let my two little people get away with being rude, cheeky, or back-chatting a grown-up. So why did I let him treat me so appallingly? Why didn’t I stand up to him? Why didn’t I get out?

I have always left, you see. With all the significant relationships I’ve been in, I have always ended it.

I have always made that call. I’ve always run away when I couldn’t do it anymore, or cut my losses before I could get hurt.

I ended my engagement to my ex mere months before the “big day.” I called time on my first marriage, seven years after saying “I do,” when three straight years of trying hard to fix it had failed.

So why didn’t I leave him?

People think domestic violence has to involve fists, bruises, and physical pain. Well, I can now put my hand up and admit that I was abused—but he never laid a finger on me. It doesn’t make it any less painful or significant or wrong.

I am beginning to get comfortable owning what happened to me, but its effects have lasting consequences that I am aware of almost daily.

The more time I spend analyzing what he did, and his potential motivations, the less I feel I understand what our relationship was about, and the more blatant the abuse appears.

He controlled, manipulated, and systematically ignored me.

Read the full article at Tiny Buddha.


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