A paradox in the context I am using it is something that in logic should produce a certain result, but actually produces the opposite. I sit here as someone who had to learn this stuff the hard way, trying to control the uncontrollable and having to bang my head against the same door a million times before realising I need to use a key and not my head.
The more you try to control something or someone the less control you have over it. Jealous men and women relinquish all control over their lives by trying to control their relationships and friendships.
If you try to control your mental health issues, instead of letting it run its course, the suppressing of it can at times make it worse.
Governments worsen natural disasters by trying to control them, so instead of there being a small patch of dry land for a forest fire to burn there are thousands of acres which cause devastation.
If you try to control what someone believes it often just reinforces what they already know in their mind. To put it simply, if you try to control anyone or anything outside of yourself it usually has the opposite effect.
The idea of failure usually fills people with dread. The thought of putting yourself out there in front of the world with the chance you could be totally humiliated, can make you not want to put yourself out there.
But the reality is consistent failure in the pursuit of something ambitious usually results in success. If you don’t have the ability to put yourself out there and fail, success is impossible to achieve.
The same can ring true if you try to be a perfectionist, as trying to succeed without ever failing can stifle action on your goals. Taking imperfect action on the way is the best way to move forward.
The more connected we are the less special it is and the more isolated we feel. When I say this I do not mean it on an individual level and it is not true for everyone, but collectively with the rise of social media, mobile phones and text messages communication has become less personal and it has lost some of its meaning.
You can send a Facebook message with a happy emoticon and it really has very little meaning. Digital messaging is also the most easily misinterpreted form of communication, words and phrases can at times have multiple meanings and it is often the tone that gives it context. Unfortunately this is lost in digital messaging.
If you really want to connect with people, find those who are on the same path as you are and connect by having a real conversation.
When you give someone factual information that benefits them, it is very common to be met with the opposite reaction you would expect. For example if you report news that conflicts with someone’s beliefs often rather than look at it from a non biased place they will shut it down without any real consideration.
If someone has a health issue and you offer advice about how to overcome it, often you will also be met with resistance. If the truth contradicts someone’s long held world beliefs, they will fight it with all their energy, because to accept it often means to give up part of their identity.
The best way to tackle this is to not offer unsolicited advice to people, unless you know it will be met positively. We all have skills and abilities, let people know of them abilities and let them know you can help if ever needed.
This is not to say you should not express your opinion, but that you should not worry too much about the reaction you get to it.
Common sense disclaimer: Fear is a very useful thing, I am not saying that if you are scared of bears you should go and have a wrestling match with one, no this is more of a fear based around daily actions in your life.
For example if you want to talk to a beautiful woman/man you should regardless of the reaction you get. If you want a certain job or career you should pursue it regardless of the fear it brings you. If your neighbour keeps drilling at 3AM you should go and have the awkward conversation to put an end to it.
In a nut shell barring the life threatening very rational fears, if something is scaring and making you feel like you shouldn’t do it, then chances are you probably should!
To conclude this article, there is ultimately only one person you have full control over and that is yourself. You can offer your hand, your opinion and your belief of what is right and wrong, these things should not be jeopardised, but they are your values and beliefs.
The best thing you can do is to try and align yourself with people who share these values and beliefs and accept that even those people will more than likely view the world differently than you do.
There are 7 billion people on this planet, all with different world views, beliefs and ideas of what they want. Accept that and focus on what you can control!
If you think any of your friends, family or social media followers will enjoy this article- go right ahead and share it! Just don’t force them to read it 🙂
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